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Tif and Kittie

TIF AND KITTIE’S

CONFIDENCE AND CREATIVITY WORKSHOPS

Each group has eight girls, who attend a 90 minute workshop, one evening per week, for 6 weeks. 

CONFIDENCE

I use self-esteem materials I have developed myself, drawing on the experience of the 20+ years I have supported vulnerable girls. This structured part of the workshop will last for the first 45 minutes and include age appropriate discussions, exercises and inter active games that deal with issues that affect girl’s self-esteem.
·       Session 1 – The YOUnique box explores individuality and uniqueness.
·       Session 2 – Responsibility, respect and good and bad choices focuses on all forms of bullying.
·       Session 3 – It’s all about me takes a look at why it’s so hard to talk about ourselves in a positive way for some but         not for others
·       Session 4 – “Does my bum look big in this” is about body image and the reason why so many girls feel bad for
looking a certain way.
·       Session 5 – “Tell” is a question and answer computer app where the girls randomly select a question,
answer it and the rest of the group can discuss whether their answer would be the same or different
(by session 5         the group are comfortable enough with each other to be able to debate or disagree)
·       Session 6 – I am…….. by others tells us of the uniqueness that others see in us. A very positive way to end the
programme.

CREATIVITY

Self-esteem and confidence building will remain the focus of the second half of the session, delivered in a more informal way. The girls will have the opportunity to explore their creativity in making bath and body products whilst socialising around a table. During previous workshops I have witnessed how using your individuality to create a finished product, wrapped, labelled and presented in your own collection is really confidence building.  This the time I would hope the girls will form friendships and support each other. Participants create a different bath or body product each week which are displayed in a gift box/basket, showcasing their unique creations on the final week.
Every girl attending the workshops is given a mirror sticker printed with a message to remind her of her uniqueness every time she looks in her mirror.  Here are the choices of message     “I love this face”   “Unyousual and Younique”    “Confidence not Change”       “Be you, Be Byoutiful”      “Amazing, confident ME”       “Be Individual, not Invisible”
After the girls have completed the sessions they can become involved in the future development of Confidence and Creativity, help with workshop delivery and the older girls may want to mentor the younger girls.

COST:  £55 (6 sessions) – includes all materials for product making.

Please contact Mary for more information or to book a 6 session workshop for your group tel. 0752 650 5118 or tif.kit@sky.com

                          “always remember to be YOUnique”

 

This is the first week  I have taken Confidence and Creativity “out there”,  sharing my concept of combining my  passion for working with girls on building their self-esteem and tapping into their creativity (which they all have by the way).  I can say the response has been really positive and I look forward to the 1st group getting together in August (date still to be confirmed)
I met a lovely woman who was so supportive about confidence building with girls and really got why I was so passionate about my work. We had a conversation about supporting confident girls who were starting to view their confidence as a problem, and how girls are often not encouraged to aim higher than the traditional role for girls and young women. A beautiful child who is told because of this beauty she could be a model, should also know that this is only one of her options, she also has a brain (a scientist maybe??) and a personality (support for the vulnerable maybe ??) . There should be no limit to her goals in life if she is willing to work hard and show commitment.  
I met Joanne on Tuesday and that night she had gone home in search of a poem she wanted me to read.  On Wednesday morning she handed me this;

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous

Actually, who are you not to be

You are a child of god

Your playing small does not serve the world

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that people wont feel insecure around you

We are all meant to shine, as children do

We are born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone

And as we let our own light shine; we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

          

                                    (a return to love – Marianne Williamson)

     
  Thank you to Joanne for the poem and for your enthusiasm and support for Confidence and Creativity
 

               “always remember to be YOUnique”

 

 

How can parents help their daughters develop healthy self-esteem?

Although the media, peers, and celebrity culture influence girls, parents still hold more sway than they think when it comes to having an impact on a daughter’s developing self-esteem. It is within the family that we first develop a sense of who we are and who we want to become. Parents armed with knowledge can create a psychological climate that will empower each girl to achieve her full potential. Parents can help their daughters avoid developing, or overcome, negative feelings about themselves and grow into strong, self-confident women.  When we are bombarded with digitally altered images of impossibly thin women, bringing up our daughters to have healthy self-esteem can seem daunting. As parents, we do have influence—both by what we say and what we do.

The latest “must have” 

Advertising has a lot to answer for in making already anxious and self-doubting girls feel they need a certain product to feel “cool”. Again, I would concede that there is nothing wrong with the “feel good” factor of owning something new, but when having the latest trend becomes a measure of self- worth, it’s a problem. If you feel this is the case, sensitively ask the questions;
Do you ever feel bad about yourself for not owning something? 
Have you ever felt that people might like you more if you owned a certain item? 
Has an ad make you feel that you would like yourself more, or that others would like you more if you owned the product the ad is selling?
Do you worry about your looks? Have you ever felt that people would like you more if your face, body, skin or hair looked different? 
Has an ad ever made you feel that you would like yourself more, or others would like you more, if you changed your appearance with the product the ad was selling?                                                                                  
Help her develop the ability to filter negative media messages.

Let’s hear it for the girls

Encourage your daughter to recognise that other girls may need support and offer that support. Girls who are able to empathise with their peers will build their own confidence and have higher self-esteem through their skills in supporting others. If you are available and open to discussing anything with your daughter she will learn to be a good communicator and supporter.

I wish I was more………

Every teenage girl I have supported who was struggling with self-esteem issues has said that after a few minutes of looking at a fashion magazine, her mood starts to shift from interested enthusiasm to making comparisons, wanting to change her looks and putting herself down.” It’s as simple as this, be careful what magazines you have in the house.  Don’t be negative about other women and don’t let the boys and men in your household do it either. Keep an eye on what children are teasing each other about. Don’t allow negative comments about looks or the fact that a child may appear different. It’s really harmful. It’s equally harmful to chastise the teaser without discussing why comments are hurtful and not appropriate.

Dads: A message to you. 

If you treat girls as though they are fragile and helpless the message is, “ a man will step in and save you” Instead, give her the opportunity to use her voice and speak up for herself, to challenge herself and when faced with a negative outcome be able to brush herself off and get back up again. Girls with positive male role models, (involved, active, hardworking) are more ambitious, more successful in school, more likely to attain careers of their own, less dependent, more self-protective, and less likely to choose an abusive partner.

Help!! What’s happened to my child?

Make sure she knows you love her no matter what. Children will be reliant on what their peers think but what parents think matters too. Girls in their teens are changing every day and this is when they will search for the person they want to become. Often parents feel helpless at this stage in their daughter’s life and the girl they see before them becomes unrecognisable!! Parents reading this who have experienced the “teenage daughter phase” will know only too well how challenging it is. Again, working with girls has informed me that although they would not admit it at the time, they needed to know that their parents loved them no matter how their appearance changed, how they dressed, who their friends were or how many mistakes they made.

             “always remember to be YOUnique”

 

How can parents help their daughters develop healthy self-esteem?

 

imagesE0HLB0FZAlthough the media, peers, and celebrity culture influence girls, parents still hold more sway than they think when it comes to having an impact on a daughter’s developing self-esteem. It is within the family that we first develop a sense of who we are and who we want to become. Parents armed with knowledge can create a psychological climate that will empower each girl to achieve her full potential. Parents can help their daughters avoid developing, or overcome, negative feelings about themselves and grow into strong, self-confident women. When we are bombarded with digitally altered images of impossibly thin women, bringing up our daughters to have healthy self-esteem can seem daunting. As parents, we do have influence—both by what we say and what we do.
mnbbv
Does my bum look big in this?……Monitor your own comments. Mums have a huge impact on their daughters’ body image. Don’t ask, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” or obsess out loud about food whilst putting your appearance down. Avoid talking about food and yourself as “good” or “bad”. A lifestyle of healthy eating habits and regular exercise without the obsession and guilt over food and body image will be so beneficial in counteracting the effects of advertisers who take advantage of the typical anxieties and self-doubts of pre-teen and teenage girls.
Independence Day….Don’t bring up your daughter up to be a “pleaser”. Encourage your daughter to respectfully speak her mind. Create opportunities for independence through asking “What do you want”, letting her make choices and stand by those choices. Let girls fail – which requires letting them try. Helping them all the time or protecting them can translate into a girl feeling incapable or incompetent.
imagesUMWPKFOA “Oh, how pretty you are”……We need to make a conscious effort to balance our compliments about a girl’s appearance with compliments about who she is and what she DOES. Of course if someone looks nice or wears something we like, we should complement them – everyone likes effort to have some reward!! It becomes concerning when girls believe that the ONLY way to gain complements and reward for effort is through appearance or owning the latest “must have” possession. Challenge yourself to match every compliment you give about your daughter’s appearance with at least two compliments about something non-appearance based, and do the same for other girls in your life
Confidence, creativity and activity……Help her build skills that are independent of appearance. Get her involved in activities that build a sense of confidence, rather than focusing on looking good and acquiring possessions. Sports, drama, music, art, anything that can help girls express themselves through words or creativity or activity rather than through their appearance or what they own. Regular physical activity enhances mental health, reducing symptoms of stress and depression. Do something physical as a family or encourage your daughter to form a group of her peers to engage in some form of sport together.
And the winner is…………Praise your daughter for her efforts rather than her performance. It’s not the end of the world if we do not win every time, by doing our best we will sometimes be the winner, this feels good and motivates us to set the bar higher. Focus less on the outcome and more on efforts and the development of new skills. To do your best is what builds confidence, and experiencing failure fosters resilience.
Involving the boys…….Watch television, movies, and other media with your daughters and sons. Discuss how images of girls are portrayed. Girls and boys need to be aware of self-respect and respect for others. When entering personal relationships with boys, girls need to be able to put a value on themselves, the standard of how they want to be treated, as opposed to looking to boys for validation. Witnessing a respectful, equal relationship between parents will equip both girls and boys with the necessary skills to be able to have similar relationships. Be aware of your own stereotypes; don’t limit girls’ choices because of the traditional girls’ role and boys’ role. Let girls try things that were traditionally kept for boys and vice versa.

 How can parents help their daughters build healthy self esteem – part 2 – to follow

              “always remember to be YOUnique”

 

 

      imagesE0HLB0FZ                      mnbbv                    untitled

Tif and Kittie’s recognise the importance of developing positive self-esteem in all children but also recognises that some social factors make it particularly necessary with girls and young women. Through Confidence and Creativity we will contribute to the development of confidence and positive self-esteem so that young women are able to make the right choices in their lives.

SELF ESTEEM AND BODY IMAGE

Self-image is the picture we have of ourselves – what we see when we look in the mirror.
Self-esteem is the “grade” that we give that picture.
What’s in the mirror, face and body image, is only part of us.
Opinions and influences from others; the people we listen to, the magazines we read and the programmes we watch on television all affect our self esteem
In return, our self-esteem influences how we allow these opinions to affect our body image.
When being “beautiful” on the outside is the main focus, it becomes easy to believe the illusions created in magazines and on television leading us to set ourselves unrealistic, unattainable goals.
When we are able to detach looks from self-esteem and consider the other good things about ourselves (kindness, support giver, personal achievements) we are more likely to be realistic about natural body imperfections and difference.

 

***Due to start after the school summer break, Confidence and Creativity workshops are a combination of product making and age appropriate discussions/exercises to promote positive self esteem in girls age 5+*** 

“always remember to be YOUnique”